


because he has to

by StoneyT456



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: 1.08 tag, Hurt/Comfort, almost comically angsty, angsty, but fr they just went straight to the hospital didnt they, but without the comfort, i just have a lot of feels and monday is too far away, just hurt, not that im complaining, they literally skipped all the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-23 02:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23004466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoneyT456/pseuds/StoneyT456
Summary: Owen feels his heart break as he watched the tears form in TK’s eyes. He needs him to get this. Needs him to be okay. “Yes, you could. You could. To cancer, on a call, I could be hit by a truck. There’s no guarantees… not for anybody.”But deep down Owen thought that there was a special guarantee, a special pact between him and God that even if Owen lost his battle to cancer, TK would be fine. TK had survived so much in his life that Owen was for sure that nothing could ever happen to his boy. He would swear to his dying day that TK was going to be the one to bury him, not the other way around. TK was the exception to the rule. Owen would do everything in his power to keep it that way.Until he couldn’t.“It’s okay to love him. Even if you might lose him.”Watching his son bleed out on the floor of the hallway, Owen realized he never prepared himself for the possibility of losing his son.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 202





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so ngl, I was a little let down by 1.08. Before I get attacked, you can't leave me with a promo like that and then 1. make me wait till the last ten minutes of the episode (*cough OG 911 *cough) and then 2. not give me the angsty immediate aftermath scenes. So here is three pages of an angst mostly centered around the thoughts Owen must have been feeling. 
> 
> Also this is one hundred percent unedited while I was emotionally compromised so please go easy on the very likely spelling errors, fair warning. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Shock. That’s the first thing that registers in Owen’s mind. He hears the gunshot and stares in shock at the boy with the gun. The kid, so young, standing there and pointing a gun at him. 

No, not at him. At him. 

At TK. At his son. His head snaps his head back to look at TK’s, noticing in what seems like slow motion as his hand grips the door for support and his other drops the ram he used to get the door open. 

His son has just been shot, and he’s trying to keep himself standing. Trying not to worry his dad, trying not to worry his team. Owen has about point three seconds to admire his strength until he begins to go down. 

It’s slow at first, a small stumble. But then his knees give way and he collapses, Michelle grabbing his head to keep him from slamming it on the ground. 

But that wouldn't have happened anyway, because TK is still awake. 

Owen can’t bring himself to say anything, can only stare at his son and keep his hand firmly planted on his chest. 

In the back of his thoughts he registers someone quietly asking “Was that a gunshot?” and he wants to scream yes.

Yes it was a gunshot. A gunshot on a call about a man with cardiac arrest. Owen has prepared himself over the years that something might happen to him or TK. But he always thought it would be an explosion at a pile up, falling off a skyscraper, attacked by whatever animal they’re trying to save someone else from, hell maybe drowning in corn. 

But not like this. Not at a cardiac arrest with two grandparents and their grandson. He’s gripping onto his son when he hears Paul yell his son’s name. Paul’s yell sounds like its coming from a million miles away, instead all Owen can focus on is his son’s face. TK’s eyes are still open, a good sign, and he’s looking at Owen, staring into his eyes. 

For a moment, Owen could swear he sees a smile on his son’s face. He cocks his head to the side ever so slightly out of confusion. He can see TK is trying to form a word and he instantly goes into protective mode. 

“TK try and save your energy.” He said trying to quiet him. By this point Michelle is calling someone over and he can hear heavy footsteps run over to them. He suspects it might be Judd and wonders about the man’s PTSD and how it might respond to this. 

He tries to smile at his son. “TK you’re gonna be just fine.” 

But TK just keeps smiling at him. His lips part and Owen leans closer to hear him. TK’s voice is weak, weaker than he’s ever heard his son’s voice before. But he gets out one word and Owen feels his heart break in two. 

“Buttercup.” 

The conversation smacks into Owen like a freight train: 

“You haven’t lost me yet.” 

“Yeah, but I could.” 

Owen feels his heart break as he watched the tears form in TK’s eyes. He needs him to get this. Needs him to be okay. “Yes, you could. You could. To cancer, on a call, I could be hit by a truck. There’s no guarantees… not for anybody.” 

But deep down Owen thought that there was a special guarantee, a special pact between him and God that even if Owen lost his battle to cancer, TK would be fine. TK had survived so much in his life that Owen was for sure that nothing could ever happen to his boy. He would swear to his dying day that TK was going to be the one to bury him, not the other way around. TK was the exception to the rule. Owen would do everything in his power to keep it that way. 

Until he couldn’t. 

“It’s okay to love him. Even if you might lose him.” 

Watching his son bleed out on the floor of the hallway, Owen realized he never prepared himself for the possibility of losing his son. 

He vaguely noticed Marjan crouching in front of him on the other side of TK. When did she get there? 

He can hear the fear in her voice. That wasn’t right. Marjan was supposed to be the strong one, the brave woman firefighter, allergic to bad leadership and not afraid to break protocol. But looking up at her, Owen saw that she was scared… but still determined. 

“Cap, we need you to move so Michelle’s team can move TK for transport.” 

Move? Owen doesn’t understand. Is she really asking him to leave his son? 

“I can’t, Marjan.” He looks down at TK, his eyes fluttering open and closed. 

“You can.” Paul said from behind him, placing his hand on his shoulder from behind. Owen looks back at him, sees the concern in his face. 

Owen turns back and catches Michelle’s eyes. She looks up at him, the woman who was currently saving his son’s life. 

“Go, Owen. I got him.” 

And Michelle must have superpowers, because Owen feels himself standing up, moving away and watching semidetached as someone comes running up with a backboard and they carefully place TK on top of it. Owen moves up against the wall as they usher his son past him. 

Owen takes a second to breath and then looks around, noticing his surroundings for the first time. He turns to the breached room, the room that was supposed to be safe. 

The woman is there, standing over her husband as Mateo and one of Michelle’s team gives him CPR. She’s looking between him and her grandson, long ago having dropped the gun. Judd is standing there with him and Owen takes a second to listen to their conversation. 

The boy is a mess. He’s sobbing hysterically and Judd is trying his best to comfort him. Owen knows it wasn’t the boy’s fault, but all he can see him as the kid that shot his son. 

He hears the kid cry. “Is the fireman gonna die?” He asks through tears. 

Judd puts his hand on the kids shoulders, but makes eye contact with Owen as he speaks. “No, no he’s not. Because that fireman’s name is TK and he’s the strongest person I know. He’s gonna be fine.” Judd lowers his voice to a whisper. “He has to be.” 

And Owen knows that’s true. Because without TK, there would be no more 126 for Owen. He knows it’s selfish and he knows he shouldn’t do that to his team, but he also knows that his son has been the only constant thing in his life and he wouldn't know how to function without him. 

He turns his head back to the hallway, back to where TK once was, to where Marjan and Paul are now. Marjan is still crouched where she was before, staring at something. And Owen realizes what she’s looking at. 

It’s TK’s blood, staining the wood floors. Owen knows there’s too much, knows that he should have followed Michelle out with his son, but he also knows that he needs to give her her space, knows that she can save his son. 

She has to. 

As he stares at the blood, all he can think about is a young TK. An innocent TK, before the divorce, before the addiction, before Alex, before the overdose, before the cancer diagnosis. He used to be so happy. 

And he was happy, Owen thinks. He was finally turning back into the kid Owen remembers the most. 

And then he has a moment of panic. He turns to Paul. “Someone needs to get a hold of Michelle, tell her about TK’s history, he can’t take-” 

Paul places his hand on Owen’s shoulder. “Taken care of.” 

“How?” Owen doesn’t understand. He thought he was the only one who knew about TK’s problem. He didn’t know TK told everyone. 

But instead, Paul nods over to the end of the hallway and Owen’s eyes open wider. 

Officer Reyes is standing there, tears in his eyes, and something clicks for Owen. Oh. Oh. 

That’s why his son has been so happy. 

Carlos notices Owen staring and clears his throat. “Uh, sir…” Owen hears the catch in his throat. “I can give you an escort to the hospital if you want.” 

Owen knows that he doesn’t need the escort. Knows that his own sirens will part the traffic. But something tells him that the officer’s offer is out of a need to do something for his son and Owen knows that feeling better than anyone in the whole world. 

He puts his arm on Carlos’s shoulder. He allows himself to hope. “He’s gonna be okay.” 

Carlos squints his eyes at him. “Shouldn't I be telling you that?” 

Owen smiles at him. “Probably. But you should know, TKs a fighter and he’s gonna get over this.” 

Owen turns his head back in the hallway. Michelle’s team mate and Mateo are carrying the old man out on another backboard. Judd is behind them, his arm wrapped around the kid with a conflicted look on his face. Paul is holding Marjan’s hand as she cries silently. 

“TK is going to be okay. He has to be.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hi, I am absolute trash for the Ryder's and I love Judd's relationship with TK with all my heart so enjoy this.

Jud Ryder knew trauma. He knew how it messed with you, how the incident can play over and over again in your head until either you force it down or it consumes you whole. He knows, probably better than most, the sting of losing people you love, the ache that fills you every time you breathe after they're gone. 

So after the death of his team, he swore that he would never let himself feel as deeply for any other men in his life. His team, they were his best friends, his brothers. He spent almost every day with them. 

He worked with them, went to church with them, had beers with them, had barbeques with them, did Bible studies with them. His team (and Grace of course) were his entire life. 

And then he lost them all. 

So when Judd rejoined the 126, he swore that he would keep the team at an arm's length, put a distance between them so that he would never feel that heartbreak again. But Judd soon found that by doing that he was overestimating himself and underestimating his team. 

Owen, the city slicker from New York with his thirty-minute skincare routine and over the top coffee maker. 

Marjan, with her attitude and caring heart. 

Mateo with his eagerness to please and kind nature. 

Paul with his smarts and protective nature. 

All of them had somehow wormed their way into his life. He found himself feeling as comfortable with them as he once did his old team, remarkable considering it took Judd years to reach that level with them. All of them became his family. 

And then there was TK. 

Judd would be the first to admit that his first impressions of TK were not good ones. He felt as though TK had only gotten his spot on the team because he was the captain's son, that all of his career had been because of who his dad was. 

Judd knew as he said that to TK that it was crap. He knew because becoming a firefighter requires a long training process and if you don't pass, you don't pass, it doesn't matter if your the President's son, it's a pass or fail. 

Honestly, he just said it because he was mad, mad because out of all of them, TK had wormed himself into Judd's heart the most. Judd thought of TK as not only his brother but almost like a son. Knowing about the cancer diagnosis before he did made him feel the same protectiveness that Owen felt, that same desire to keep him from the pain of his father's diagnoses. 

He knew that was why he lashed out at first. He was scared shitless when TK fell into that corn, when he didn't listen to him that first time. He yelled at him and TK yelled some too, but at the end of the day, they had fist-bumped and made up. 

And Judd found himself falling into a routine with the 126 after that. A comfortable routine. A familiar routine. 

And then TK got shot. 

And Judd felt his world crashing around him again.

All he could do was sit with Grace in the hospital waiting room, praying with her. He couldn't handle doing anything else. He couldn't even handle going in and seeing TK. It just all hurt too much. 

It reminded him of his old team, of when he was stuck in the hospital. It reminded him of the worst time in his life. 

He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't help himself because he had just lost his team and he knew that he wouldn't survive losing anyone else. 

"Judd, honey?" Grace asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. It was late, Judd could tell when he looked around. Mateo and Marjan were curled up next to one another in the chairs asleep. Paul and the officer were quietly talking, Paul putting a comforting hand on the officer's shoulders while they both looked through the window at Owen, stoically sitting in the chair, running his hand through TK's hair and whispering to him. 

"Do you want to go home? Get some sleep?" Grace asked. "There's really nothing more we can do for him now." 

Judd ran his hand across his face. "I uh... I think I'm gonna stay here just in case anything happens." 

Grace frowned at him. "You know he's gonna be okay, right?" 

"We don't know that, Gracie. And I can't-" he took a deep breath, "I can't handle false hope right now." 

"It ain't false hope, Judd, it's knowing that that boy is way to stubborn to be stopped by a bullet." 

Judd smiled at her. "You may be right there." 

"When are you going to learn that I am always right?" 

He gave her a small chuckle and turned towards TK's room. He sniffed as he felt himself tearing up again and tried to cover it by putting a hand to his face. "I just feel so guilty." 

Grace squinted at him. "What for?" 

"I can't help but feel cursed. First I lose my whole team and now I might lose another team member." 

"You don't seriously believe that." 

Judd just shrugs. 

"Judd, this isn't your fault. You're not cursed and nothing you could have done would have stopped this from happening. It was just a freak accident. That's all." 

Judd just put his head down, staring at the floor and twisting his hands together. 

"Fine," Grace said straightening up, "if we're gonna play the blame game, it's also my fault." Judd's head snapped up. "I should have alerted y'all that there was a gun in there. I didn't. That's on me." 

"Grace you weren't even the one to take the call it was-" 

"But I took the call before then. I should have radioed it in but I didn't. And someone got shot because of it." 

Judd shook his head. "You didn't know that-" Judd stopped. "Oh. I see what you did there." 

Grace smiled and put her hands on both sides of his face. "Judson Ryder. That boy getting shot is nobody's fault. He was scared and he fired. But TK is strong and has got a mighty tough daddy. He is going to be fine. It just takes time." 

Judd put his hands on top of hers. "I'm just worried, baby." 

Grace put her forehead on his. "And it is perfectly okay to be. But you cannot let this set you back, Judd. You have to go see him." 

"I don't know if I can do that. I just... I wish it were me in there." 

Grace swallowed. "You know when I first heard that there was a shot fired, my first prayer was that it was anyone but you." 

"Grace-" 

"Let me finish." She paused. "My first prayer was that it wasn't you because I couldn't handle if it was you, Judd. I couldn't. And I know that boy in there would rather it be him than you. That's just how y'all are built. But don't you dare ever say that to me again. Because I need you Judson Ryder, and once you said 'I do' you made a promise to come back to me every night. Do you hear me?" 

Judd sighed. "Yes ma'am." 

Grace pulled her forehead away, wiping at the tears that were falling down her face. "Now let's go see him." 

The two of them stood up, hand in hand. They walked over to the door and Grace gave a small knock. Owen sat up instantly, smiling when he turned and saw the two of them standing there. 

"Hey guys." He said quietly. 

"Captain," Grace said nodding. "Do you mind if we stop in real quick?" 

Owen stood, "Go ahead. He's just... he's just lying there but I know he'll appreciate it. I'm going to go get coffee." 

Owen left the room, leaving Judd and Grace there with TK. 

"Go ahead, baby," Grace said nudging Judd. 

Judd walked up to the edge of the bed, sitting in the chair that Owen was just sitting in. He sat in silence for a second before he reached out and patted TK's hand. "Hey there, kiddo." He said clearing his throat. "I uh... I know that you're probably hurtin' right now but I'm really gonna need you to wake up soon." Judd smiled a small smile. "Your dad is gonna do stir crazy drinking this hospital coffee." 

He paused for a second, really looking over TK. He didn't think he had ever seen the kid so still. Normally TK was always moving, either working hard or drumming his fingers, tapping his foot, doing a small dance. He was rarely still. But now, looking at him in the bed, he felt a deep ache in his chest. 

"Awe hell, kid. I really need you to get better for me. You're my brother, remember. And brothers don't leave other brothers behind. Not like this." Judd ignored the tears falling down his face. "So uh... so come back to us, okay? For the 126, for your dad, and uh... for me. I need you to come back, brother." 

Judd stood, squeezing TK's hand and leaning down, giving him a kiss on the forehead. Judd turned to see Owen had returned with the coffee, him and Grace both looking at him with sad faces. 

Judd cleared his throat. "He's gonna be okay, cap. He has to be." 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry... 
> 
> Also, this is intended to be a one shot but if yall like it let me know and I'll add a second chapter (I might anyway because I need more till Monday oh my GoSh) 
> 
> Thanks!


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